


Let Me Love U

by riellean



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: 7 platonic relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But it's okay, China Line - Freeform, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Qian Kun is Whipped, Qian Kun-centric, WayV - Freeform, and one romantic one, and there's not really any trigger warning, and they go through some sad thoughts, dealing with problems because they're idols, for everyone, i should learn how to tag, minor ships, nct's china line because they need more love, with kun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-09-06 01:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20283100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riellean/pseuds/riellean
Summary: Kun’s heart had much to give.





	1. Prologue

As a man who focused too much on earning a spot in one of the biggest entertainment companies in South Korea, Qian Kun didn’t have much time to spend on trivial things, which in this case, was namely, love.

However, love wasn’t a foreign concept to him.

He had watched how other trainees fell in love with one another, whispering promises that seemed to have no end. Most of the time, it would be to the future of debuting together, to stand side-by-side, holding hands and bowing at adoring fans who supported them. Inwardly, Kun knew that it was all wishful thinking on both sides. Among the millions of applications sent in to be trainees, among the hundreds and thousands of actual trainees waiting for that one special word, _debut_, it was unlikely for so many couples to fulfill their wishes.

Kun hoped that they knew that.

For a few times during his trainee days, Kun had wondered about the concept of love and if he should actually just start a relationship that was doomed to end. After all, those relationships were what kept some trainees sane, and were what gave others hope, that yes, they still had a chance. But after seeing one too many of those couples quitting it right there and then, full of tears and cries of pain, anger, and wasted time; because the chance of debuting was too small that it seemed like putting in a ships knot through the eye of a sewing needle, Kun had decided to save himself. Most people might call him a coward, but he wouldn’t be able keep afloat if he was drowning in heartbreak.

Regret over not spending time perfecting himself in time, sharpening his moves with the mirror, for not spending all his waking time to _practice_, _practice_, and _practice_, and therefore being cut off and replaced by other trainees who were younger, more virile, and just by all accounts, _better_ than him, would’ve overpowered that feeling of his heart cracking into pieces for being left by someone who promised him a forever. It seemed sad, that the only thing his spotlight was on was the fact that he wasn’t enough, but it was a dog eat dog world, the survival of the fittest. Kun couldn’t bother wasting his time on trivial things that would never end up happily. Those kind of stuff with happy endings only existed in fairy tales.

Kun would just bide his time by practicing hard, to sing better and to dance better, to master all the skills an idol would need. Just to be the finest performer. In a world where only the best succeed, romance wasn’t needed. And Kun, well he just couldn’t afford it.

.

After a few technical difficulties with his agency, in which Kun was kept on his tippy toes for months, spending countless nights scared if his biggest fears would come true, that he would be called up one morning to meet the higher ups, and be told that, ‘_We’re sorry, but you just didn’t make the cut._’

But against all odds, he had finally debuted.

He screamed for joy that morning, called all his parents, his relatives, and every single soul who supported him in following his dreams without a single doubt, right after he heard the news. Today was to be celebrated.

.

Sadly, and he knows it, even with the joy of being able to debut, he seemingly didn’t have a permanent spot in the band. He was just there to look pretty and bring in even more fans by doing so. He was lucky to even have a line in the song. To even be in one. He doesn’t mind. Sure, all his vocal talent and countless nights he spent practicing to be a flawless idol might’ve gone to waste, thrown down into an endless rabbit hole, but at least he was finally able to start living his dream.

Dedicating his life to a single cause had finally bear its fruit.

.

.

.

But then, out of the blue, it was back into the basement for him.

.

If Kun loved gloating, in which he doesn’t, Kun would pride himself in three things: his face; vocals; and his musical ability. His face was crafted by the gods themselves, a soft, kind-looking face with hard lines that showcased his own brand of masculinity. His voice which was always praised for its angelic beauty, was another feature on him that highlighted his appearance. And when he played the piano, it was majestic, a whole different story altogether. It told of sorrow and happiness, of loneliness and of understanding, of being lost but being free. Also, it was hard to find someone who could play a tune just by ear. Kun could do it.

If Kun loved to brag, in which he doesn’t, he would tell hundreds of stories of how so many people had managed to stuff his gym locker with notes and letters during his weightlifting exercises at the gym, which was scary because he knew how to alter his schedules, and make them as inconsistent as possible, which he learned to do after one night of having been made to clean up hundreds of handwritten letters and gifts that laid scattered across the tiled floor when he had opened his locker. He went home burnt out that night.

But with those experiences, that somehow kept occurring, also came the sad understanding that Kun would never be able to reciprocate those raw feelings. Those raw heartfelt feelings which they poured out into the letters, hoping for him to read them and maybe if God was feeling gracious, for him to reply. But it was impossible. Every day, during every second, every minute, and every hour, all that had to be done was practice. He didn’t even have time to take a break and take care of himself. Sleep became naps, and naps became power naps. The letters placed in a box at the bottom of his closet, only to be remembered as the unopened letters of unconditional support and love.

It hurt Kun to realize that by fulfilling his dreams, he had to break others. If he thinks about it now, it’s more than a little bit true. To debut, he broke other trainees hearts; and by having debut; he’ll break a million more if he does something wrong.

But what you don’t know, won’t kill you.

Love isn’t easy.

Life isn’t easy.

Sometimes Kun wishes that they were both easy.

The hope comes and goes.

He’d rather not think too much about it.


	2. Lucas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You should’ve been a psychologist.”
> 
> Kun hummed in response. He just understands well.

If you asked Kun to describe Lucas with one word and you were playing Family Feud with him, then Kun would immediately answer ‘LOUD’ and that word would be appear the screen placing first, and then Kun’s team would proceed to answer the rest of the questions without break, without letting the other team answer at all, dominating and winning the show by a massive landslide, because there’s a lot of money at stake, and Kun needs it for his grocery shopping, and if there’s one special thing that Kun picked up from being a trainee, it was to compete.

But anyways, Lucas was loud, a little too loud, if you ask Kun, who preferred the sounds of running water and rustling leaves, but that was Lucas’ charm. Even if it meant being a freight train at two o’clock in the morning.

However, Kun knew, call it personal experience or whatever, that the boy was just a child forced into adult-sized shoes. Lucas was loud to hide all his insecurities, to show others that he was okay. Lucas was loud to convince his family members who cared so much for him, especially his loving parents who he had left back in Hong Kong, that he was fine. That their son was doing well in a world that forced and controlled too much.

The first time Kun saw Lucas break down, it was at the brightest hours of the day, unlike what some people chose to believe. Those people make it so dramatic, that crying at night was romantic, that some cherished loved one would come and comfort you, whisper nothing but love into your ear. And now, because of that belief, crying in the dark at night was too overrated.

Anyone with the right mind would choose to leave you alone if you cried alone in the dark. There was always a reason why someone preferred to cry alone, unseen by the world. Kun learned how to respect that decision.

It was the time between breakfast and lunch that Lucas broke down, when it was just the two of them, Kun and Lucas, in the dorms on a sudden ‘rest’ given by their company. Kun was cooking scrambled eggs, his favorite kind of eggs, and no, not in the sexual kind of way if anyone tried to be smart with him. Lucas was sitting at the kitchen table, hunched over, spooning at his bowl of strawberries and cornflakes with milk.

The beginning of Lucas’ breakdown was awkward at first, Kun didn’t have any direct experience with calming crying people down. When Kun heard the first sniffles, he had stood straighter, but didn’t directly whip his head around to ask if Lucas was alright. Instead, he waited, used the wooden spatula he was holding to push the egg in the pan around, wondering in his head if it was just his imagination. If you had walked into the room at that moment, it would be awkward, a too tall boy sniffling with the sound of sizzling eggs in the background.

A few moments later, it seemed like minutes to Kun, which would’ve actually been awkward because who in the right mind would still be busy cooking eggs when a close friend of theirs wept at the kitchen stand, but it was merely seconds and Kun’s eggs were done and he calmly slipped them on a pristine white plate, leaving the pan on the black glass of the electric stove.

Kun silently placed the plate on the counter, right next to Lucas’ bowl of cereal that Lucas had pushed away.

“Lucas,” Kun said softly, trying to make the boy look at him from his face buried in between his hands.

“Lucas,” Kun murmured softly, using a lilting tone someone familiar would use.

“Yukhei.” Kun repeated. The boy’s real name never failed to attract his attention.

This time Lucas looked up at him, his eyes on the way to being puffy and red. “I’m sorry ge.” Lucas apologized, looking back down at the small white squared tiles that decorated table. Kun could see that the boy’s lips were slightly trembling, and so he decided to finally commit to his job as the eldest among all his Chinese members.

“Hey, it’s alright. Don’t worry.” Kun tried to say in his softest tone possible. The boy still wouldn’t look up at him, so Kun slowly reached out to pat his head.

Kun hesitated at first, ‘You’ve never done this!’ His head screamed at him. But still, brother duty calls. Hesitantly, Kun placed his hand on Lucas’ head, gauging his reaction.

Lucas seemed to welcome the touch, leaning into Kun like a kitten. Kun internally sighed. Lucas was such a little kid. A little child that still needed love and affection. To be patted on the head and be told that yes, he was on the right track. No, he didn’t make the wrong choice.

“Are you okay Lucas?” Kun asked once the sniffling had stopped. In between playing with the younger boy’s hair to calm him down, Kun had moved to stand beside him, hot scrambled eggs and mushy cereal left forgotten.

Lucas hummed softly, wrapping his large arms around Kun’s waist and resting his head on the older man’s stomach.

“I’m just scared you know?”

Kun answered back with a hum of his own, keeping his hands carded in Lucas’ hair, softly patting to keep the younger boy comfortable and talking.

“It’s just that,” Lucas continued, “I’m not sure if this,” he gestured at his own body while peering into Kun’s eyes before looking down again, “Was the right choice, if my fans actually love me. If I am actually loved. I’m scared of so many things, if this dream could collapse in seconds, if whatever I’m doing right now could be my last. It’s scary. I can’t help but keep repeating that yes, I am scared. It has always been just a dream of mine to debut, to sing, to dance, to model.”

And so Kun listened to a story of a young boy from Hong Kong who had big dreams and wanted to become worldwide famous. His parents supported him, and he came to Korea to find a new, better life. It was the same story Kun had heard from so many other people, but he listened in acknowledgement and understanding because this boy, who was too tall for his own good, a tall, blossoming tree in a garden of lively flowers, had trusted him enough to share his story. Lucas, who knew that they would grow and live together with the other members had opened his heart and laid it flat on the table hoping for someone to come and take care of it. Kun had just happened to be at the right place and at the right time.

For some reason, he felt like a joyful elder brother, a feeling that only could be described as pride, for Lucas had trusted him. And so, what else could Kun do than tell Lucas the truth?

All great relationships are built upon layers of trust.

So Kun told Lucas that he was also scared, that there wasn’t anything in the contract that protected them. But that Yukhei would be fine because he was a strong soul. A child, yes. In yes, a tall giant body. But no, you’re not old, and that you’re still young. Have that fighting spirit in you Yukhei. You’re handsome. A giant with a heart to match. If SM ever forsakes you, become a model Yukhei. Live freely.

“I’m not asking you to leave or to stay Yukhei.” Kun had slowly guided Lucas to sit on the sofa in their living room. “But I also don’t want you to waste away. You’re meant for this life Yukhei, trained hard for it. Who am I to judge if you decide to quit it? I just want to say that you can be, you can do whatever you want. But as your team mate, as you leader, and as your brother, I want you to be happy. If you want to leave, then I’ll support you. If you want to stay, then I’ll gladly be by your side and water you every single day.

Lucas chuckled and Kun could feel it again his chest because the boy was leaning in on him.

“You should’ve been a psychologist.”

Kun hummed in response. He just understands well.

“Thank you Kun-ge.” The younger boy exclaimed warmly. “You remind me so much of my mom who’s always telling me that I should be a model.”

They remained quiet and Kun takes the time to thread his hands and fix Lucas’ messy hair.

“Can I call you Kun-ma?”

.

.

.

That day, Kun learned three new things.

  1. Yukhei gave the warmest hugs.
  2. He's going to be called Kun-ma for the rest of his life and there's no changing that, not after the younger trio heard Lucas say it and started to yell ‘Kun-ma’ from the kitchen, and
  3. Of a person who was Yukhei’s home away from home, a person who gave Yukhei light in his life, that there was an actual couple that managed to debut together. This person called Yukhei with the sweetest names, but the one name that made the half Thai, half Chinese boy melt was when the person whispered ‘Xuxi’ into his ears.

That day, Kun realized that Kim Jungwoo was a significant person in the world of Wong Yukhei. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll be back to editing this real soon! i just needed to let it out.  
sorry for the wait!
> 
> kudos and comments give me life, please entertain me :*


	3. Winwin

There was no denying that Winwin was cute. The tall boy was definitely adorable, especially with the sweet and sunny smile the boy had. Kun swears that seeing Winwin smile brings peace even on his most hectic days. Winwin’s cheeks blushed pink when someone would complement him, a nice rosy hue that made Kun keen on wanting to squish the younger boy’s cheeks. Ask Winwin to smile and the flowers would bloom, ask him to do aegyo and the world was at peace for those few seconds.

Therefore, it was surprising how much younger and smaller the boy looked compared to Kun who was only a year older. Kun blames it on the wrinkles which grow whenever his children start their shouting matches. Thankfully, Winwin isn’t one of those children, instead the younger just sits and watches the fight go around him without a care in the world, seemingly denying the existence of any other person, and you’ll most likely find him on the sofa, petting and playing with the dorms cat.

Winwin is easily one of Kun’s favorite children (astoundingly he currently has 19 of them, Taeyong taking over parental duty together with Kun) because of his calm and innocent demeanor. Winwin’s independent, cute, smart, a hard worker who is also diligent and responsible. Definition of a golden child.

If Winwin had a dating profile and Kun was in charge of managing it (which Kun doesn’t and nor does Winwin have one), Kun will be happily and willingly swiping left on anyone who showed interest in his son, because Winwin was too perfect to settle for low life people only aiming to get into his child’s pants. Winwin deserved nothing but the best, and only the best. After all, Kun grew up with the boy and although there really wasn’t much of an age difference between them for Kun to actually baby Winwin, Kun wanted Winwin to be happy. For Kun, Winwin was like a small, quiet puppy that had to be showered with love and affection. The best thing about it? Winwin was definitely a good boy and he deserved all the head pats in the world.

.

The Black on Black Era was a new experience for Kun. Never before had he seen so many NCT members in the same vicinity, gathering together, talking, asking each other how they were as if they hadn’t met in years. However with the outfits that were currently fitted onto them, if Kun happened to walk in on the rest of the members and had no idea about NCT, he would’ve thought that they were all hot people that were in a really weird club. But he did know better, and thought that the outfits matched their concept well enough. Kun really loved the piercings that they wore. But what he loved more was seeing his children interact, and how he could latch onto Chenle and Renjun, who he hasn’t seen in over a month. He did notice how Renjun became snarkier, and he guesses that it’s because of Donghyuck.

Kun also watched how Winwin interacted with his members, how he started talking to them and how they all showered the shy boy with love by squeezing his cheeks or patting his hair. It was also funny to see Winwin reject the love like a kitten, even going as far to head-butt Yuta in the chin, after the Japanese man started to caress his cheeks. He also saw how Ten started to pick up a fight with Winwin, who bothered the younger like how a kitten bothers its older siblings. After Winwin successfully caught Ten in a chokehold, Renjun laughed from his place underneath Kun’s chin.

So it was curious with how close Winwin was with his team, and how much his team loved him, that they found him sitting on the couch in their new dorm four months later. Six of them (Lucas, Xiaojun, Hendery, Yangyang, Ten and Kun, himself) had just finished celebrating the joyful news that they were to debut in an all new Chinese unit sub-group, when Ten had turned on the lights and screeched, which made the one of the other three fresh debuted idols screech in return. Seeing Winwin with his face buried on his knees which he hugged close to his chest, unmoving, made Ten jump out of his stupor and usher the other four minus Kun, to their shared bedrooms. Kun was going to chase after Ten before the younger stared him down, and Kun retracted his hand back timidly.

_Damn it. Here we go again._

So that was how Kun found himself sitting in front of Winwin, placing himself below the softly sniffling boy. It wasn’t that Kun hated trying to care for the other members, but he’s scared that if he said the wrong things, their minds wouldn’t be able to come back from where it came from. He doesn’t want to worsen their conditions. After all, to Kun, a mind is like a bridge. He doesn’t want to help them build a bridge just for it to end in the middle of nowhere. It would be easier to leave them with a short bridge then to let the bridge reach a superior length then lose all hope of ever reaching a destination. Bridges fall harder when that happens. They crash and disappear down into the ocean below, into an eternal abyss that has no point of retrieval. Kun does not want to lead someone into their own doom. 

Sometimes, Kun thinks that it would have been easier if their entertainment hired a psychologist for their idols. Then their idols wouldn’t have to go through their own phase of self-denial, trying to reassure themselves that everything was alright, so that they wouldn’t have to convince themselves day and night that they were okay. But Kun guesses that would never happen.

Kun reaches out for Winwin’s knee, careful to make his touch as soft as possible, but his hand is trembling. “Winwin,” he tries to say in a soft voice, but his voice is hoarse from the drinking that night, and it comes out croaky, like he hasn’t drank for hours. “Winwin,” Kun tries again, his hand gripping Winwin’s knee, although not harshly, just enough to make Winwin notice his presence. 

Winwin doesn’t let up, doesn’t even care that Kun or the others had seen him crying. He continues with his own small sobs. Kun waits for a while, hoping for Winwin to finally lift his head. He waits for five minutes, ten minutes, then finally realizes that they both aren’t in the right condition to talk.

Winwin’s still in a sorrowful state, and Kun feels as if the alcohol has gone to his head. So he stands up, still quiet. “Winwin,” he says a final time, “It’s going to be alright. We’re going to be alright.” Kun leaves the living room, and not once did Winwin look at him.

.

The next day, forgoing the sleep till noon routine Kun does when he’s tired, Kun finds Ten and Winwin in the living room, who is now lying down, still on the sofa, covered by one blanket. He guesses one of the kids might have done it, maybe Yang Yang. The boy had a soft spot for Ten after all, no matter how much he tries to annoy the elder. Kun leaves them there, still sleeping, and goes to the kitchen to make tea.

Kun knows they’re all going to be alright.

Winwin’s going to be alright.

He’s sure they will be.

Kun will make sure of it.

.

Winwin wakes up in Ten’s hug, and the smell of soy sauce coming from the kitchen. He sits up, careful to jostle the man. His mind clears from the blurry sleep, and sees Yang Yang chasing Lucas in front of him, almost bumping into the television, their joyful shouts filling his ears. A head covers his vision, and he recognizes it to be Hendery’s. “Hello, good morning.” Hendery greets, pulling away by a bit. He laughs at the distance between them, and maybe at how big Winwin’s eyes might’ve been. “Kun-ge’s cooking porridge!” Hendery exclaims loudly, further bothering Ten who has just begun to wake up. Ten exhales heavily, eyes sharpening, and reaches behind his head to throw a pillow at Hendery. The boy dodges it anyway, and it hits Winwin in the head instead. Thankfully, it’s soft.

“Sorry Sicheng.” Ten apologizes. Ten crawls towards him, and frames Winwin’s cheeks with his palms.

Winwin nods in return.

“But you get it right? What we’ve talked about?” Winwin nods again. “Kun’s also available, but he’s still a bit awkward in this kind of stuff. Still you should.” Ten stops. “I mean. If you want to.” 

Ten gets a wide, heartfelt smile in return.

Winwin thinks that there’s a silver lining in every cloud. He’s going to love it here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for the wait. _:(´□`」 ∠):_

**Author's Note:**

> so ahahahahaa i'm sorry, but wayv needs more love.  
and i decided to show it.
> 
> follow me on twitter: riellean  
or ask me stuff on curiouscat as riellean too!
> 
> i'm new to this kind of stuff, so i'm sorry if i come off as awkward or something.
> 
> thank you for giving comments and/or kudos! they give me life, and it makes me happy to know that i'm finally doing something right.
> 
> thank you for reading! :*


End file.
